The Holodeck Monster that Could Destroy the Ship
by deadthingsdontfly
Summary: Sequel to The Anomalous Cheese Sandwich Anomaly. Crewman 574, in an attempt to come to terms with his crippling fear of being expendable, creates a horrible invincable monster with the power to take over the ship.


**If you haven't read my story "The Anomalous Cheese Sandwich Anomaly", then some things won't make sense. They won't make sense if you read it either, but that's beside the point!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or anything else one might sue over.**

**Claimer: I do indeed own the right to make milk shoot from your nostrils in a shower of laughter and/or screaming.**

**BEGEEEEN!

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**

**Picard**: Captain's online diary, stardate… eleven. Will and I had a fight. He wanted to play World War Three again but I wanted to play Pirates and everyone knows pirates are better than cyborg war machines! And then he threw sand at me and--

(a beeping sound is heard)

**Picard**: (sigh) Enter.

**Data**: You wanted to see me, Captain?

**Picard**: Ah yes, Data. (turns to Data in his seat and smiles) Yes, yes, yes. (clasps his hands together and places them on the desk) Indeed.

**Data**: (waits, blinking)

**Picard**: (exhales sharply and looks around the room)

**Data**: Captain?

**Picard**: Yes, Data? What is it? (smiles brightly)

**Data**: Is there something you wished to discuss?

**Picard**: No, no.

**Data**: (pauses) Then… I'll be leaving, sir?

**Picard**: Alright then, bye bye. (waves)

**Data**: …(leaves through the door, returning to his place on the bridge)

**Riker**: (from his chair) That's the sixth time today, isn't it?

**Data**: Seventh. (presses buttons)

**Troi**: (enters) I am sensing that everyone is suffering from acute stress-

**Riker**: But we haven't even been doing anything for over a week--

**Troi**: (raises her voice) and we all need a--

**Riker**: And we're still in Earth's orbit--

**Troi**: (starts to yell) AND WE ALL NEED A NICE VACATION. (narrows her eyes) Now piss off. (exits after a short pause)

**Everyone on the bridge**: (immediately run cheering from the room, excluding Data)

**Data**: I suppose I will go insane. (puts a bucket on his head and crashes through the main window, depressurizing the bridge and sending everything out into space)

_MEANWHILE, in Troi's quarters or whatever…_

**Crewman 574**: Things have been difficult since I discovered my anonymity. PERILOUS DANGER lurks behind every consol, in every strange alien soufflé! (twitches and looks around erratically) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! (screams and digs his fingernails into his eyes) AHHHHHHHHHYEEEAHNUUUHAHAGHYA…NNG (sobs)

**Troi**: (is wearing sunglasses and a bikini and using a three-panelled mirror to sunbathe under a large lamp) What part of vacation don't you understand?

**Crewman 574**: But what about my declining mental health? What about this horrible crippling TERROR I have to constantly grapple with?

**Troi**: (groans) FINE. FINE THEN. WHATEVER. (rips off sunglasses and glares at him) You should face your fears or something. How about you go to the holodeck and… do that.

**Crewman 574**: D'you think it'll work? (looks desperate)

**Troi**: No, I think it'll end in some horrible disaster from which no one will escape.

**Crewman 574**: Uh… (pauses) Face my fears, eh? Sounds good! (gives a thumbs up and leaves)

**Crewman 574**: (walking down the slightly crowded hallway) What a wonderful idea! I'm feeling better already!

**Picard**: (appears around a corner) LASER TAG!

**Worf**: (jumps from a nearby door and makes a hideous battle cry) WOODALOODALOODALOORAWR! (pulls out his phaser and starts to shoot randomly)

**Picard**: (pulls out two phasers and flails his arms around while shooting and running down the hall)

**Random Crewmembers**: (run screaming, many ending up shot)

**Crewman 574**: AHHHHH! WHY? WHHH-HHY-HYYY? (ducks down and scurries to safety like some kind of cowardly rodent-baby that has just wet itself out of fear)

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Will Crewman 574 avoid a mental breakdown? Will Troi finally achieve t_he_ Perfect Tan? Can this get any more insane?

No, of course, and, YES. IT IS A MEDICAL FACT!


End file.
